Pros: oh what a story!
Cons: tifa isn't real.
The bottom line: if you haven't played this game, play it. if you have, play it again.
Did I spell "mitzvah" right?

Oh, anyways, welcome to the 1000th review of Final Fantasy 7 for the Playstation. As I let that fact sink in, here's a quote to prove how well-read I am...

"I don't believe that friends are those who like you the best but rather those you got there first"

...actually, don't quote me on that, it's from memory and I couldn't find it on google. I don't know who said it either but I bet he's an intellectual and I bet he's dead by now too. Getting to the point,

The Point
I played this game when I was 12 or so and when I played it I thought it was the bestest-est game that ever existed (yeah, I talked like that when I was 12), but now I'm not so sure. I was young, immature, and easily swayed. That quote that I quoted actually becomes relevant when I tell you that I'm not sure if this game actually was the best RPG of all time or if it merely seemed so because it was the first RPG I've ever played.

The graphics were impressive at times, namely the movie sequences (I think they're called FMV's so I will refer to them thusly from this point onward), but really that's not really the hardest thing to do. The hard thing to do is to make in-game graphics stellar and Squarehard did a decent job. While some in-game animations revealed the incredibly blockiness of the characters, the battle and map graphics weren't anything to scoff at. Well back in the 90s anyways; they're pretty scoffable now, but then again, so is every PS1 game by 2005 standards. Some people have said the graphics are terrible and some have said they are wonderful so I'm going to pull a safe one here and say they are OK. The graphics aren't exactly Jessica Alba but it ain't Ruth Ginsberg (have you seen her nudie pic in Jon Stewart's book? ugghhhhh) either. Let's just say they're Katie Holmes.

The battle system was interesting. FF7 had a traditional turn-based kind which means battles weren't about how fast you could mash the Triangle Button. It was kind of like chess. But then again you couldn't just sit there and twiddle your thumbs between turns or even sit there and analyze what the results of any one of your possible 10000 moves would be because it used something called the Active Battle System, making it unlike chess actually. Which is good because chess is boring. Anyways, the ATB did a good job by giving you a reasonable amount of time to plan out your attacks but you still had to think on the fly. Your opponents would wait for their turn but if you didn't do anything for a while, they'd get tired of waiting and attack you.

FF7 used the (in)famous (depending on who you ask) Materia system which was incredible in its simplicity. Each character could equip a certain amount of Materia which came in several different kinds. Magic ones could be used to perform magic (which were damaging, healing, or of misc types), and there were also different types of Materia to unlock new commands (such as the one enabling you to use two items per turn), to summon monsters to attack the enemy (accompanied by a 10 minute long animation which you think is cool the first time you see it but has you banging your head on the floor the 1000th time you have to sit through it), and to give you speed, HP, MP, or other bonuses. Rounding them all up were the support materia (colored blue, an obviously racist move on Squarehard's part) which gave you cool bonuses when linked to other materia. Such as HP Absorb which would also give you some HP points when paired with a magic or summon materia. I may have made it sound a lot more complicated than it is, but I advise you to just play the game. You'll get it.

Some people have complained that the materia system deindividuates the characters and that you can make anyone powerful by giving them the right materia. True. I didn't exactly notice that when I was 12, y'know? Plus I didn't know what deindividualization even was. However, you won't have any trouble telling your characters apart because of...

...the story! You play as Cloud Strife, a blonde with blue eyes, making this the 2nd blatantly racist move on Square's part. Anyways, he is a mercenary hired by the terrorist group AVALANCHE. They dedicate their lives to fight the evil corporation Shinra. They are led by a black dude named Barrett who speaks in ebonics and has an uzi-arm, making this an actually disturbing choice on Square's part. I didn't really notice this until 32_Footsteps pointed it out on his excellent review of this game. Anyways, this somehow spirals on and on until it turns into Cloud and pals fighting to save the world from the evil Sepiroth.

The storyline, though not that original, was amazing in its detail. This was the first really plot-heavy game that I had played and it was a quite pleasant turn of events. In other games I was vaguely aware that I had to rescue this princess (again!) from this evil Turtle dude who expressed his evilness by being incredibly large. In FF7 I knew why I was fighting. To me now, videogames are really about telling a story and I find that to be the most important part of a game. Because every game has its boring parts and only a good story can motivate you to breed another #%^%@ing chocobo. I was constantly wondering what would happen next in this game, and that's a good thing. I really felt for the characters and if there was a way to say that this game really touched me without being corny, believe you me, I'd say it. When a game's story is this good, I will love it unless gameplay is exceptionally horrid. Why can't they make movies this good?

Although the plot isn't without its flaws. It's so heavy and detailed that when I take a step back and look at it, there are a lot of things I don't fully get and things that I'm pretty sure contradict each other. But from a bigger perspective, FF7 is the charming tale of a rascal guy who lies to this girl named Tifa (I remember having a crush on her as a kid. The fact that she wasn't real really bugged me...) who has humongous boobies (that's not why I liked her! I swear!!!) to impress her.

Awwwww.

I feel like I'm running out of steam here so I'll make it quick. This game had a lot of funny moments (dressing up Cloud as a girl, the play at the Gold Saucer) and fun minigames.

This game rocks.

Oh, I forgot the mention the sound. Right now my brother is listening to the FF7 soundtrack on my iPod. The music is quite MIDI-sounding today, so the quality isn't that impressive, but quite a few of the songs are great. "Aeris's Theme" is a gorgeous song that sounds even better on the piano version, but the song itself is very well written. The battle music is great too, but you'll get tired of it eventually. I usually don't care about sound too much in video games, but the guy who wrote these songs really helped give this game an epic feel. That guy is named Nobuo something but I'm sure him and his millions of yen don't really care that I can't remember his name.

And in response to the title, I feel this was the Bar Mitzvah of my gaming career, that transformed me from a boy to a man! It taught me how to wait my turn in battle, how to breed Chocobos (these big chicken things), and about...myself.

Graphics: B
Gameplay: A
Story: A+
Sound: A
Overall: A+


xo,

underdawg

(Step)Parent (and/or legal guardian)'s Note:

This game features prostitution, gambling, swearing, cross-dressing, battle, Chocobos, and some ginormous knockers. It is rated T for teen. And yet, for some reason I don't think letting your 10 year-old-kid will turn him into a serial killer/cross-dresser/rapist. I seriously doubt it.

Gamer's Note:

So you want to beat Ruby Weapon? My kid brother figured this out. You get three Mimes and W-Summon and HP Absorb. Pair HP Absorb and Knights of the Round together (if you don't have KoR, it's back to the chocobo farm to you young (wo)man! Now W-Summon KoR first and then Hades. Ruby will then fall asleep (in the middle of battle, no less! Where are his manners?!?!?). Mime, mime, and mime again until you win. My brother thinks he's smarter than me because he figured this out but I really didn't feel like spending 1000 hours mastering all those Mimes. Anyways, it works. I've seen it.


links to my FFX and FFX-2 reviews will go here once I feel like looking up their URL's.